“Grindhouse” (Dimension Pictures)
Grinds You Up and Spits You Out
Let’s start this review off by saying “Grindhouse” is a terrible movie. It is too bloody, too profane, too stupid, too badly acted, too violent and most of all too long! Other than that you’ll have a great time – no, no, no I mean that in jest! The combination of the talents of Directors Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino must have sounded like a good idea in theory, on paper. But when the petal hit the metal their ideas of what passes for entertainment were a little bit skewed.
Each director presents a full-length movie bolstered by “previews of coming attractions.” The film is grainy in parts and sometimes there is a sign that says “missing reel.” Ha, ha – funny, funny! The first movie, and it is directed by Rodriguez, is titled “Planet Terror.” It concerns a band of zombies who bite off people’s limbs and create other mayhem. It has blood spewing by the buckets and cheesy dialogue falling out of B grade actors’ mouths.
The only memorable moments from this part are provided by Rose McGowan as a go-go dancer named Cherry. Her leg gets bitten off but her boyfriend (Freddy Rodriguez) gives her a machine gun as a prosthesis. She can fire that sucker and wipe out a band of zombies in nothing flat. But how does she get it to fire Just asking.
The next film is by Tarantino and is titled “Death Proof.” In this one a bunch of trash talking women are pursued by a stuntman named Mike (Kurt Russell). Most of the movie is taken up by one long car chase that gets boring before it ends.
Russell throws himself into his role as do the women – Rosario Dawson, Sydney Poitier, Tracie Thoms, and others. It is all wasted effort. The dialogue is pathetic and the plot is non-existent. Maybe this kind of film once passed for “grindhouse” entertainment but we have moved on. Trying to pass this dated schlock off as entertainment is not okay by today’s standards.
The film is rated R for violence, profanity, nudity and everything else that goes into a restricted film.
One of the worst things about the movie is its length. It seems to go on forever. Three hours and fifteen minutes was lengthy when it was “Gone With the Wind.” Putting this inept effort of entertainment on for that long is almost criminal.
On a positive note, it is good to see such forgotten actors as Jeff Fahey, Michael Biehn and Michael Parks on screen again. Too bad they had to return in such a loser of a movie. And on a last negative note, please somebody make Quentin Tarantino swear to never appear in a movie as an actor again. He is that bad. He is standout bad. He is awful.
The days of the B feature double bills have long past. Let this type of movie rest in peace!
I scored “Grindhouse” a three hour 3 out of 10.
